Realizing God's Will Is Oneness

Holy Spirit is Merciful

Over this last week my mother was admitted to the hospital with a racing irregular heart beat, and it took three days for the doctors to get it under control and send her home.  Now she has a flock of new medications to take which must be closely monitored.  She is living with my sister in Texas so she is not alone, but on the contrary well loved and cared for where she is.  There was no immediate danger, and in fact it was a blessing that she was scheduled for a stress test this past week and that is why her heart problem was discovered.  Now her condition can be treated properly whcih should extend her life.

During the week I was hearing conflicting voices.  One was saying to cancel all my plans and go to Texas to be with her.  There was no reason for me to rush there, but the voice seemed insistent and I could even feel some urgency in my gut at times - that gut level feeling I’m sure you all know.  Sometimes we get that feeling for which there is no reason but we must pay attention to it.  The voice seemed to be quit real, there was no feeling of fear and the voice just kept presenting this option.

I was not sure if it was the voice of ego or Holy Spirit.  The other voice said the first voice was alarmist, and if I immediately rushed to Texas every one in the family, including my mother would be alarmed.  And the doctors have told my mother she could continue with her plans to attend her 65th high school reunion scheduled for the upcoming week.  At the time one voice was telling me to rearrange my plans and travel to Texas, my mother supposedly would not be there.  I really felt unsure which voice was which. 

Another minister helped me by facilitating an Accessing Inner Wisdom counseling session.  During this I discovered that my real dilemma was not the issue with my mother’s health, but my fear of not listening to Holy Spirit’s voice “good enough.”  It was all about being a “good girl” for God, not my mother.  It brought up a deeper level of concern than the one I thought I had.  I definietely felt in touch with deeper levels of fear about the reality I had made of the separation story.

The Holy Spirit appeared on my counseling journey as the Angel of Mercy, full of llight and love, bring me a message of God’s mercy.  I heard that the Son of God never has to worry about hearing the Voice for God because it not possible to be separated from It.  There was such great understanding and compassion for my confusion and doubt, but the definite message that it was not real.  As the Angel of Mercy hugged me, I felt healed of fear and doubt.  I felt such comfort knowing that all attempts to hear God’s Voice are recognized and appreciated and all attempts are “good enough,” no matter where we find ourselves.  The reality is that we always hear the Voice for God and cannot be apart from it.  The Holy Spirit sees this in love and heals us of our doubt with great mercy. 

There was definitely the message to extend mercy to others who similarly face doubt and anxiety about whether it is the Voice for God or the ego’s voice which seems to be giving guidance.  There is no need for anxiety and guilt about getting it right.  It makes no difference if if sometimes seems that we make a mistake.  Our intent to listen and follow Holy Spirit is what is important, not that we worry about doing it perfectly.  As long as we are in the body there is the ego filter at work.  We are learning and practicing, and God is merciful with His children, seeing only their loving willingness, not their mistakes.

There was great healing for me in this.  All anxieties were calmed.  All sense of urgency disappeared.  I felt all was truly well, no matter how it appeared.  I still am not sure of what to do about when to visit my mother, but I no longer feel any guilt about my level of listening to Holy Spirit for guidance.  I am trusting that all will turn out as it should.

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