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January-April, 2024

Crossing the Bridge

by Dani Novak, Student of the POL Ministerial Program

In previous issues of Miracles News I wrote about my experiences with depression and how rays of divine light penetrated through the darkness and allowed me to experience Peace, Love and Joy for a while. What helps me in the dark times is to keep a journal of my experiences. Lately I started to accurately document the depression and I am posting here from my journal.

I noticed that the last three depressions lasted exactly 21 days while the elated time in between the depression varied (sometimes it was months of peace but the depression always followed). I distinctly remember that I was 100% convinced that the depression will not return… that I “finally got it” but it always returned and now I know that it was a blessing beyond words. 

I have been listening to the YouTube videos by Keith Kavanagh who is teaching me to practice looking at my ego reactions to triggers from the seeming outside world without judgment and thus not identifying myself with the thought of separation. 

This is the same idea that brought me to work with my ACIM mentor through the Pathways of Light program. Before I was so afraid and full of shame to look at my own self hatred and blame but Rev.Greg Hesch, my facilitator, shared the idea of the Hallelujah experience. Every time I become aware that I am judging myself, I say Hallelujah.  I choose gratitude instead of identifying with the ego.

Another book that helped me immensely lately was the book “A Thousand Names for Joy” by Byron Katie and I am sharing this with the thought that someone else may benefit.

Now I feel in every cell of my body that “I finally got it.” But who is the ‘I’ that is thinking this thought? I believe in what Byron Katie is saying: “No thought is True” (Except this single thought that says that). But who is the ‘I’ that believes that thought?

Katie, Like Jesus, is sharing ideas from direct experience. But this is just another thought… Thought after thought after thought… good thoughts, bad thoughts… yet there is this direct experience beyond thought and I am feeling glimpses of this lately… and it feels so good. Still if I am writing this article and you are reading it, we are sharing ideas and thoughts.

The following quote sheds light on this:

“If you can accept the concept that the world is one of ideas, the whole belief in the false association the ego makes between giving and losing is gone.” (T-5.I.1:14)

The world is just a false idea. Nothing more. This idea came from another false idea: The idea of separation. As a result, another false idea was born — the idea that by giving something away (like money to a beggar for example), I am experiencing lack. But the answer to all these confusing thoughts is coming from another dimension. Unplanned, always new and fresh in the eternal present. Peace. 

Allowing the darkness, the fear, the attack, the self hatred just to be there. Not reacting, not defending….  It may come from inside or seeming outside. It is always Good. It is always another knock on the door. And who is knocking? God IS. The Isness of the IS is All there IS. 

It is so simple. So let us embrace the seeming difficulties, the depression, the guilt, the feeling of hopelessness. It is God in disguise.

I will close this illusionary article by sharing from my journal that I wrote a little more than a month ago. I was feeling such darkness and despair that I asked for help and the answer came from me.

The Q. is asked by the illusion of the individual and the A. is the response from the Inner Self that is always kind.  Eventually the Q merges in the A. The separate self disappears in God.

I woke up early with the same uncomfortable feeling. I did not push it inside and try to solve it. The guidance came in the form “In defenselessness my safety lies.” Also to remember to ask for help. Also that the ego always answers first and thus it is wise to wait.
I then read the card for the current class I am taking with Greg (802):Oneness Awareness.

Remember Who I Am:  Accept I AM Love. Not to judge. Simple. Stay in tune with God within. Gentle and kind. Know that everything including this uncomfortable feeling is okay.

Q.  I am not sure if I am following guidance or the ego. I do not feel Peace. 

A. Accept the feeling and keep doing what you are doing. You are guided but because of inner noise are not able to perceive correctly. You need do nothing.  Remember Keith’s direction. Go back to choosing Truth: I AM not that insane voice in my head that tells me that whatever I am doing is wrong. I am Love.

There is nothing to fear and there is nothing to do. I AM the awareness. The time before dawn is the darkest. All is perfect NOW. Guilt and shame and comparisons are of the ego. Fear is of the ego. Specialness is of the ego. Love and Joy and Peace are of God. 

Q. I feel so so vulnerable right now. Please direct me. 

A. My sweetest child. You are 100% safe in my arms… I am with you always. Just be in the moment. Breathe. Relax. Do not judge yourself. 

6:06 p.m.  It was difficult at Oak Hill. Just remember that you are divine and that fear is not you even though it feels very strong and glued to you but you are Love.

© 2023, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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