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january-March, 2008

The Ego Has a Really “Big But”

by Rev. Mary Gerrard Lenihan, author of The Mentor Within

The other day another human being in the throws of ego desperation called me complaining about another human being also in the throws of ego desperation with whom she desperately desired an ego relationship and couldn’t imagine not having what she so desperately desired.

Sure that she had tried everything under the sun to win this man’s understanding, heart, and very soul, she was still not ready to surrender. The torment in her mind was overwhelming. She can’t sleep, she can’t eat, she can’t work, but apparently was finding plenty of time and motivation to toke a few joints and crack open the Jack Daniels. This she said was the only relief she found; the ego in a drunken, dazed stupor was “relief.”

Well, such it is. We have all experienced our own mini-soap opera version of this script. I personally tried to help this character the ego was playing see the insanity of her behavior. I listened; I comforted; I gave gentle suggestions. I asked questions hoping she would find a clear answer or at least an umbrella under which to stand as shelter from the barrage of ego ignorance.

Eventually, I came to my senses. I realized I was relying on my senses. Yes, I had initially stepped back and asked Holy Spirit for help, BUT, when she had no willingness to join me in this place, I put on my swimsuit and jumped into the ego cesspool with her, taking on more of an in the world psychological perspective of how she might consider “dealing” with her feelings.

I began to feel hopeless as to how to truly help this individual. No matter what I did, how long I listened, shared my own experience and what I had found to be helpful in the past, step back and offer some “spiritual” sounding words… She returned again and again and yet again, with “BUT … BUT … BUT …”

Finally, I threw my hands, and my ego mind along with them, up in the air to Holy Spirit, truly giving up. And heard my SELF saying, “Yeah, the ego has a really BIG BUT!”

We broke into laughter. Holy Spirit nailed it! Tell it like it is. Forget all this other stinking ego version of what might be helpful. It wasn’t working.

As the Mentor Within said in my book, “Stop trying to change ridiculousness into more ridiculousness.” In that moment we both broke through the nightmare and truly saw the Light. Why? Because Holy Spirit tells it like it is and we were willing to listen.

We are told in A Course in Miracles that the ego’s goal is “seek and do not find.”

Undoing the ego happens as we are willing to see the tortured little speck of bird doo on the windshield that the ego really is. It clouds our vision, attempts to smear the truth, and stinks up the joint.

Once we notice this, talk about it, analyze it, write books about it, teach about it… we must at some point be WILLING to step back, take our “BIG BUT” to the Holy Spirit and say, “I am willing to give this ego “BIG BUT” to You, Holy Spirit, because it has gotten so big I can’t sit, walk, stand, swim, or bend over to pick up a dancing daisy; I cannot forgive.

I am in debt with misperceptions and grievances beyond my credit limit, I have reached my limit, and with Holy Spirit I now realize I have no limit.”

So, are we “fed up” yet? If so, let us put that ego “BIG BUT” on a FORGIVENESS DIET WITH HOLY SPIRIT and lose the greatest weight we are carrying around — the unforgiving ego mind.

© 2008, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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