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July - September, 2006

What Is It For?

by Rev. Myron Jones

In this dream I think of as my life, there are many little dramas playing out. If I am living unconsciously, I think that they are just happening to me; that I am a victim of other people, of my environment, and let’s be honest, I think I am a victim of God. My unconscious lament becomes, “Why me, God?”

As I begin the process of awakening from this dream, I start questioning what everything is for. What if the dramas in my life did not simply appear there out of nowhere? What if there is a divine purpose, behind everything in my life? What if I knew that life would bring to me every experience I need to awaken me to my true Identity? How would that change my perception of life, and how would that new perception change the way I choose to live?

As I begin to ask that all important question, “What is it for?” I am starting to see my life in an entirely new way. The answer to that question is always that everything in my life is there to help me wake up from the dream. It is there to remind me of who I am in God. It is there to bring me back to my Father.

Knowing this is true, I see things differently than I used to. Life becomes simpler. So, how does this look in my life? I am going to use an example from my last marriage. While I was in the last years of that marriage (which was filled with drama) I had begun to think of the man I married as my enemy. He seemed to be dead set on making my life as miserable as possible. He was very controlling, and completely unwilling to see things differently. Worse, I felt trapped in the relationship, unable to extricate myself, and equally unable to make it better.

It was not until I had finally left the relationship that I began to get some clarity about it. By this time I had learned to ask that all important question, “What is it for?” Because I had so many years of history in this relationship, it seemed like a very complicated issue, and took awhile for me to get clear on it.

I began to see that I had assigned some roles for this man to play out for me, and had decided that my happiness depended on his compliance. When he didn’t live up to those expectations and didn’t fill my perceived needs, I felt threatened and angry. We endured many dramas around these disappointed expectations. He had the same thing going on with him, and so we had dramas around his expectations as well. I thought all this was about unmet needs, and so we were on a merry-go-round, experiencing the same dramas over and over, getting nowhere; accomplishing nothing. Even when we seemed to have reached some kind of compromise, neither of us was happy and something else just popped up.

Our relationship seemed to be for establishing our victimhood. I felt victimized by him when he wouldn’t comply with my needs and I felt trapped in the situation. It felt like it was his fault that I was so miserable. He began to feel like my jailer. The whole thing seemed unsolvable, and just too complicated to even figure out.

When I was finally able to ask the Holy Spirit for guidance and help and I was led to the question that needed answering, I began to see things so differently. What we were experiencing in that relationship wasn’t what it seemed to be. The answer to the question was that this relationship was for our spiritual joining. It was for our growth, and for our return to God. Understanding this, I see that we were not antagonists, but rather we were helpmates in the truest sense. Through our relationship, we brought into our lives the opportunity to learn forgiveness and love, which will bring us both closer to our true Selves, and closer to recognizing our place in God.

Seeing this, I immediately recognized that I was not a victim in this, but a co-conspiritor with Greg. Together we were conspiring to create a holy relationship. Greg ceased to appear to me as an enemy, and became the bearer of gifts. All the dramas of our marriage, now seen through the filter of our sacred purpose, took on a new look. I could now see that our marriage was a stage to play out our lessons. And I can now honestly say that I am so grateful to him for the chance to learn with him.

Being able to answer the question, “What is it for?” helped me to shift my perception. And with new vision provided by this shift, I see the whole marriage differently. I was not the victim, but the observer and the student. I was not locked in mortal combat with my enemy, but was learning to love with my dear brother in Christ. What a difference this new perspective makes! I might say that it is too bad I didn’t figure this out before the marriage ended, but that would fail to take into consideration the whole picture. A relationship does not have to look like a success to have provided the means for learning forgiveness. Greg and I learned what we could from this marriage, and that makes the relationship perfect.

I read something the Buddha said, and I apologize to him for any errors I make in interpretation. What I read went something like this: Act as if everyone in the world except for you is enlightened. They are all here to bring you gifts to help you become enlightened. How does this work in my life?

Again, it is just a matter of asking what everything is for. If someone disagrees with me about something, I can see that person as my enemy, or I can understand that the person is my brother bringing me the gift of enlightenment. Now I am free from being the victim. I am free from the depressing job of making her wrong and in justifying my anger. Instead, I am free to look for the gift. I am free to see her as the enlightened being she truly is behind the disguise of enemy.

Without guilt, anger, and fear clouding my mind, I can easily see that whatever is happening, the answer is always forgiveness. In forgiveness I return to love and to peace. I return to God. I remind myself that forgiveness has nothing to do with seeing anyone wrong. It has nothing to do with pardoning a wrong. It is all about knowing that my brother could never be wrong, and if that is true about my brother, it is true about me. So forgiveness is seeing the innate innocence in everyone. It is in this innocence that I find my place in God.

So that telemarketer who called me during supper and acted like I was the one with a problem when I didn’t want to talk to her is not wrong. She is not in error. She is just a messenger from God bringing me an opportunity to remember our innocence. Yes, even telemarketers are perfectly innocent. In fact, if the Buddha was onto something, they could all be very enlightened beings, busy, busy helping millions of people become enlightened through forgiveness!

There is an exercise that I use to help me work through the problems I have with seemingly difficult people. If you like, you may join me right now in doing this process. Just think of one person in your life who seems dead set on being a problem for you. It doesn’t matter if it is merely an annoyance, or if they seem to be trying to destroy you. Loss of peace is as total when it is caused by the little things as it is when it is caused by those things we think of as big. It can be an ex-spouse, a challenging teenager, a co-worker, even a clerk in your neighborhood store. Think about how you feel when you are with them. Think about the form your conflict takes. Think about the ways you blame them for your frustration, unhappiness, or fear.

OK, that’s enough! It is very easy to get caught up in that part of the exercise and never get past the blame! Now that you have it clear in your mind what is bothering you and how that feels, pretend for a moment that your antagonist is really a messenger from God. Imagine this person smiling at you and telling you how much God loves you and how much He wants you to be happy. He tells you that God sent him to help you learn about your innocence, through learning to see the innocence in him. Does it seem hard, he asks? This is only because you are so close to enlightenment that you are ready for the lessons that feel big. This messenger of God is so happy for you, and so excited for you.

Now imagine your gratitude for him welling up in you and filling your heart. Imagine your excitement at the idea of finally waking up to your true Self as God created you. In your joy and appreciation for this person who is helping you, you reach out and hug him. You thank him for his help. You thank him for sharing the awakening process with you.

We end this process with gratitude. Thank you, Holy Spirit for healing this relationship and making it holy. Thank you for showing me the truth of my brother.

The next time you are in disagreement with your brother, or are faced with a difficult person or situation, remember to ask what it is for. The answer will always be that it is for your enlightenment. Knowing this, it becomes easy to forgive the situation or the person, and as you do so, you loosen the hold it has on you, and you experience your freedom and your joy!

© 2006, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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