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October-December, 2010

Living in the World While Waking Up

by Rev. Peggy Booth

I’m in the middle of doing the Pathways of Light Miracles Studies Course 910: “Living in the World While Waking Up.” Part of why I was drawn to this course is my trying to make sense of my employment situation which is seemingly getting more complex and daunting all the time.

Today as I bicycled to work, I though about the ACIM lesson I’m doing today — Lesson 72, “Holding grievances is an attack on God’s plan for salvation,” which suggests saying “What is salvation, Father? I do not know. Tell me that I may understand.” I said a version of this over and over as I biked along — except I didn’t remember it exactly and what came to mind was “Having resentments is an attack on God’s plan for salvation.” And of course the situations annoying me at work loomed in my mind. So I’d say to myself; “What’s salvation?” And before long, what clearly came is, “I cannot be but in the right place at the right time.” Why this? I kept wondering over and over what this means for me. “I do not know.” Yet, at least, I was having a lovely bike ride.

And so, I resumed this thought when I left work this evening — having an even lovelier bike ride with a tail wind. Today, what would appear to be a catastrophe in my program at work decidedly got worse. There is a landowner’s perspective and a department leadership perspective in relation to something I am responsible for. It’s a fundamental difference in perspective and value. No solution or common ground seems possible. It’s just another intractable problem that has fallen in my lap.

Yet, as I started my bike ride home, I wasn’t in the least angry or fearful or upset at all. I was a bit saddened having heard the pain and anger on each side. But, all-in-all I was in a very good mood recognizing that this is only a dream — a very insane one at that.

Then, out of the blue, the thought of Lucille Ball and the “I Love Lucy Show” came to me. I have never liked that series and have avoided watching any episodes because Lucy was always getting herself into such terrible messes. There would always be so many noisy outbursts and so much drama. She’d connive and dig herself into a deeper hole as she’d try to solve one problem, only to get into another and make matters worse. Such situations — even on TV — make me very uncomfortable. There’s nothing funny about them, I would think.

It simultaneously came to me that this whole issue at work is like a ridiculous comedy — but this time I’m laughing along. I am supposed to be here in this job now to see it as that. Also, I can be the actor like Lucille Ball. In my case, rather than playing the serious, earnest, work-is-so-important role I call Margaret, I can instead (even perhaps looking and seeming the same) play a role of a new character I’ll call Margie who always follows an ACIM script. Margie’s role would be to recognize it’s a dream, see everyone as the same holy child of God, be in the now, let go and turn it over, etc. Today I was a good listener and that’s part of it. I also didn’t take anything personally which was helpful too.

As I rode along, I explicitly tried to connect heart-to-heart with the landowner, our division director, and to myself and the two younger guys who also seem caught in the middle, saying “This is only a dream. There is nothing to fear, and no reason to be angry or guilty. You’re doing just fine.” I kept extending love and enjoying myself in the now. Nonetheless, I observed again and again, my ego trying to pull me back into stewing on “the problem.” Over and over, I caught this, refused to get sucked in, and returned to extending love, smiling, noticing the blue sky, the beautiful day and the wind at my back.

At some point, it occurred to me that the reason that these seeming intractable, dramatic problems happen and why I’m in the right place at the right time is that Holy Spirit is so obviously showing me how insane this dream we’re in really is. There is absolutely nothing I could ever do in the world of form to make things right and to resolve or avoid all problems. One is solved and another will always appear.

Being right here, right now in my job is making it very easy to be willing to let go – it is so very insane. Thanks for such clarity, Holy Spirit. I just keep smiling and chuckling to myself when I recognize this. Yet, I recognize not everyone is here. In the play called “my job”, Margie doesn’t need to say to others: “get over it, it’s only a dream.” Instead, her role (my job) is to be kind, gentle, respectful, and to extend love.

Ego may find ways to exploit this and turn such innocence upside down and manufacture unintended consequences. But, I’m not afraid of saying without any guilt, “I’m sorry. I made a mistake. What can I do for you?” I will just keep focusing on the now, turning things over, seeing everyone as one and perfect inside, remembering it’s a dream, just doing what needs to be done in the moment without fuss or worry, letting go of outcomes, and walking out work’s door everyday with a smile on my face and leaving it all behind.

So, today, this is how I will “live in the world while waking up.”

© 2010, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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