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My Purpose

Has anyone in here read The Purpose Driven Life? I haven?t read it myself, but this morning I was thinking about the title. I started wondering about the purpose that drives my life.  What is my purpose? It is important that I have one and it is important that I know what it is.

I used to think that my purpose was being a mother. I didn?t do a very good job as a mother when I first got into the business. I felt ashamed and depressed by my lack of success and then threw myself into the job with a vengeance. If this was my purpose, then I intended to do a bang up job. As my last child got closer to graduating, I realized that my perceived purpose was coming to an end. Sure I would still be their mom, but my job was over.

What did this mean about my purpose? Did I no longer have a one? What is the point of being in this life if I had no purpose? I decided that I had better find a new purpose. I felt guided to give my attention to my spiritual growth. Yes, I decided, this is my purpose. I now had time to dedicate to my spiritual life and I threw myself into this new job with the same enthusiasm and determination I had finally given to motherhood.

My efforts eventually led to the life I have now. I give sermons at a wonderful church. I write articles and facilitate classes and workshops. I counsel people who ask for my help, and I teach students who are studying for the ministry. It is a full and satisfying life. But, is it my purpose? No I don?t think so.

What I have decided is that my purpose in life is to save myself. Does that sound selfish? At first I thought it did, but now I believe that it is the only thing I can do and that I need to do. If I save myself, I will just naturally be of help to others. They will see my success and my joy, and want it for themselves. So I will be serving others by serving myself first.

Could it really work any other way? Could I offer you something I don?t have myself? If I told you that you should forgive others, but was unable to do this myself, would you have any reason to listen to me? Why should you listen to me anyway? Wouldn?t it be far more meaningful if you saw me forgiving? Wouldn?t it be more meaningful to see working at forgiveness. Even if I had not achieved my goal, my efforts would be a lesson for whoever was interested in having this for themselves.

Who am I to decide that you need to be saved? That thought alone would prove that I have not saved myself. Jesus was very clear about judgment. He told me that it wasn?t my job. I would be judging you if I decided that you needed anything. So I work at my own salvation. If you see me doing something that you want for yourself, then great! The one thing I am certain of, is that you and I are one in God. I am not going anywhere without you, and I want to return to my Father in Heaven. So I am glad if you, too, choose to recognize that your purpose in this life is to save yourself.

Knowing this is my purpose is only the first step. Now, I have a lot of work to do. I recognized that it didn?t matter what method I used. I could get my inspiration from a book, from any church, from someone I met on the street. The important thing is to give this work my whole hearted effort. While the form doesn?t matter, it is vitally important that I do the work. If God spoke to me Himself, and told me that my purpose is to love my brother as myself, to not judge anyone, to forgive, I would be powerfully motivated. But if I did not do the work to reinforce this effort, I would fall back into the world and soon I would be judging and holding grievances and living in fear and wallowing in guilt. It takes consistent effort and great vigilance to remain true to my purpose.

Anyone in a twelve step program will tell you that it takes more than a desire to get straight; to stay sober. No matter how great your desire and your determination, if you don?t do the work, if you don?t work the steps and go to meetings, you may find yourself sliding back into your addiction. It is the same with my spiritual life. If I want salvation, I must do the work. I must remain vigilant for God.

So, how do I do this work? How do I remain vigilant for God?  The first thing I did was find my inspiration.  I had started as a Catholic and that could have worked just fine, but I no longer found my inspiration there. I had been led to A Course in Miracles, and while I did find this book inspirational, my work had been sporadic. Now I really threw myself into it because I had made a decision to do what it took to gain my own salvation. I still thought I was doing this for someone else, but that was OK. I was doing the work, and later if would come to me that it wasn?t my job to save anyone else; my only job was to save myself.

I didn?t have to choose the Course as my inspiration. I could have used any church or any book. It happened though, that I did use the Course and it suited me well. The only thing that really mattered is that I follow my guidance. I understand my guide to be the Holy Spirit Who is the Voice for God. He was given me for that purpose. I used to call Him my conscience. I also recognize Him now as Jesus who promised to send me a comforter and to be with me always, even after he left his body. My guide doesn?t seem to care what I call Him, or how I think of Him. He is always there, ready to answer when I call on Him.

I used the Course and the Holy Spirit to decide what I needed to do to achieve salvation. I have narrowed it down to a few things. I recognize that my brother is part of me. I don?t have to save anyone else because as I am lifted up, everyone is lifted with me. When I hear about the work Mother Theresa does and as I hear about her love of her fellow man and of God, this lifts me up. As she is lifted, so am I. Sometimes when I see a homeless person, I offer them money. One day I saw a homeless person asking for money at a street corner. The woman in front of me reached her hand out, gave him some bills and held his hand in hers in blessing. She gave not only money (because that is what he needed) but also love and acceptance, because he needed that even more. I was lifted up by what I saw that day.

I know that I need to love my brother as myself. There are two distinct parts to that idea. I must love others. I do this in many, many ways all during the day. If someone acts in anger toward me, I love him by not reacting to his anger, but rather seeing past his actions to the truth of who he is as God?s holy child. That is the way to love him. I keep my eye firmly on the truth of who he is. I see him as whole and perfect, just as God created him. I hold to that vision rather than seeing him as his actions or his words. He is not what he says. He is not what he does. My favorite quote from The Course in Miracles is, ?I am as God created me.? It is a humble acceptance of what I truly am. This is the truth of my brother, and this is my gift to him; that I hold this truth of him until he is able to believe it of himself.

I said that there are two parts to this statement. I love my brother is the first part; the second part is, as myself. So it implies that I must love myself as well. How well I love myself will determine how well I love my brother. So, again, I see that I must save myself to be of any help to anyone else. If I remain unsaved, I will not love myself very much, and I will have nothing of value to give to my brother. I love myself as I love God. I love myself as I dedicate my time and effort to my salvation. I love myself as I remain vigilant toward this effort.

I know that I must not judge. I do not judge my own errors. I recognize that the error was made and I offer the misstep to the Holy Spirit for correction. There is no judgment in this process. I do not berate myself for making a mistake. I do not call it a sin. I love myself as I refuse to judge myself. This allows me to love my brother in the same way. As I refuse to judge myself, I find it easy to resist the temptation to judge my brother. It is not my job to decide if you are living your life well. It is not my job to decide if you are making mistakes.

I know that I must forgive. First I must forgive myself, then my forgiven self forgives my brother. I cannot offer my brother something I don?t have, so my own forgiveness comes first. I forgive by recognizing that there is not really anything to forgive. I said before that I look past what is done and said, to the truth of who we all are. That perfectly describes forgiveness. I am not my actions or my words. Neither are you. We are perfect, as we were created perfect. There is nothing to forgive. What I say and do are not the truth of me. When I say I forgive an error, I am really saying that I refuse to believe that error is the truth. By not making the error real in my mind, I find forgiveness a natural and simple process. It only becomes hard when I insist that I or someone else is really their mistake. Forgiveness is only as hard as I want it to be. If I find it hard to forgive I recognize that difficulty as a measure of my resistance to forgiveness.

These are the beliefs that I live by. I do not live perfectly, but I strive to live perfectly. That is the purpose that drives my life. Motherhood is not my purpose, but it is an opportunity to practice my purpose. My ministry is not my purpose, but when I write a sermon, I am teaching myself what my purpose is. When I deliver the sermon, I am sharing with you my purpose and am inviting you to support my efforts. In this way we both gain.

When someone says something to me in anger, it is not my purpose to judge or correct them or to protect myself, or to see myself as better than them. My purpose is to love them and to love myself, to forgive myself and them. I simply use this occasion to practice this process so that I become stronger in my convictions. As I practice these principles I lift myself up, and as I lift myself up, all of my Self (that is all of us) are lifted up as well.

© 2005, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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