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Study of Text, C 14: V. The Circle of Atonement, P 5. 4-18-17

V. The Circle of Atonement, P 5

Journal

We separated and now we must join. There is only one way that we can join in this world. We must acknowledge our guiltlessness. We do this without exception or it is not done at all. Joining in this way is how separation is undone; it is the Atonement. The Atonement is our purpose while we are here. We can call it forgiveness and it is the same thing.

When we have all joined in acknowledging our innocence, we are restored to our natural state. We remember that we are the Sonship, and full communication is restored between ourselves and God, between the Father and the Son. In this state, there is no pain and no suffering. There is neither guilt nor death. All is one and complete and so there is no sense of lack or loss, nor any memory of these things.

I have had something very upsetting occur in my life. I am using it to undo my belief in guilt. What I see is that fear is an overriding emotion, and that I need help in releasing the fear. So I am pausing frequently to sit, if only for a few moments, in stillness. I simply say, “Here I am, Lord.” Then I rest in God for as long as I can, allowing my mind to be healed.

Two things are obvious to me as I do this practice. First, guilt promotes fear, and it blocks forgiveness. I asked the Holy Spirit to show me how this is happening in this particular case. I became instantly aware that I was projecting guilt on everyone involved in this situation. I followed the guilt all the way to Jesus. I blamed him for making this release sound like it was going to be easy when it really feels nearly impossible.

The other thing I discovered is that I cannot release the fear as long as I believe in the story. The story is going to keep pulling me back into fear and guilt. I understand that everything I see with my eyes is an illusion. It is the thoughts and beliefs in my mind projected outward. It all comes from the split mind, and it is not real. Holding onto that concept in the face of the present experience may be simple, but it is not easy.

My experience of this has been a real roller coaster ride. I realize that I cannot do this by myself. I must have help from the Holy Spirit if I am going to know that the world I see is not real. I can’t do this as an act of will. I cannot think my way into the truth. What I can do is become willing to have my thoughts purified. I can surrender my efforts and allow this to be done for me. It seems that surrendering is the hard part. I keep taking it back, giving it up, taking it back. Jeez.

But I am determined to see. I am determined to see differently. I am determined to see with Christ Vision. I am making strides in this. I am at peace with the situation for longer periods of time. I am often surprised by a surge of joy that occurs, seemingly without cause. An outpouring of love that has no specific target surprises me. I find that I long to connect with my brothers. If there is an opposite to the fear and the guilt that has plagued me, then it is this experience of love moving through me.

As I said, I am riding the roller coaster of my thoughts and my feelings. I know that I will, inevitably, choose innocence and stay with that. Soon, I hope.

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