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October-December, 2014

Awakening Through My Special Relationships — Part II

by Rev. Linda LaCasse, O.M.C.

—Stephanie and Tom—  
This article is the second in a series of how I’ve experienced miracles through Holy Spirit’s use of my special relationships since becoming an ACIM student seven years ago.

My tale of experiencing miracles through my special relationships with my daughter, Stephanie and her step-dad, my second husband, Tom continued to be an excruciating and painful forgiveness lesson for many years to come after Steph’s attempted suicide.

Stephanie’s drug use increased over time, which Tom was well aware of for he recognized all the signs. He so desperately needed me to see it but I couldn’t. I could only deny what appeared to be for I truly could not see what Tom did. Nor could he see what I desperately needed him to see, that I needed him to put me, our marriage first and then focus on Steph.

From the moment we got married and began living together, Tom focused all of his attention onto Stephanie, finding fault with her and constantly bringing it to my attention. Often times, he was guilty of the very thing he was accusing Stephanie of and she and I both were aware of it. I needed Tom to pay loving attention to me which would then allow me to listen to him regarding his thoughts about Stephanie but he refused me, hence I’d refuse to acquiesce to his need for me to side with him. I had to side with my daughter because of the guilt I’d experience if I didn’t for she needed me too — special love. And let’s not forget my fear of separation in the form of another suicide attempt. The ego had me but good, for my choosing to side with my daughter caused me just as much fear and pain, for Tom would then project his rage and anger onto me. On top of that, Stephanie was a master manipulator who played Tom and me like a finely tuned instrument. It was insane, with the ego so powerful as our ring leader and the three of us following its every command.

For eight years the insanity appeared to continue but it no longer held me prisoner in the center ring. Being in the center ring, I could see the illusion differently from how I had, how Stephanie and Tom continued to see it. The more I studied the Text and practiced the Workbook lessons in ACIM with abundant willingness, I began seeing that I was the ring leader and I had the choice of which Master of Ceremonies to listen to, the ego or the Holy Spirit. Being of a competitive nature, I learned to make the circus of insanity a game in which I refused to allow the ego to distract me with the sideshow acts of guilt and fear. Instead, I chose to simply give every thought of fear and guilt via attack, blame, shame, regret, lack, anger, specialness, etc. to Holy Spirit to look upon and judge for me. This required much discipline but that is all! I didn’t have to do anything else!

I began experiencing more miracles as Holy Spirit healed and released my thoughts of fear and replaced them with love for myself, which I was so painfully lacking all of my life, hence why I called for Stephanie and Tom to be my saviors. Yes, I called for them! I needed them for I could not be healed alone. I needed them, for all our sakes. Though Stephanie’s and Tom’s relationship remained strained and tumultuous, I experienced more and more healing as I learned to give all that appeared in my illusion of them to Holy Spirit to look upon and judge for me. It truly was that simple, though not easy. I also want to emphatically state that I also learned to be truly grateful and thankful for all Holy Spirit was showing me, despite however painful it seemed! This is vital, for it disempowers the ego while building trust in and dependence on Holy Spirit.

The miracles I experienced as a result of what I’d learned to practice diligently in that marriage are too numerous to mention. However, I gratefully and thankfully share with you that the insanity of the ego came to an end and was replaced with the love of Holy Spirit.

Tom and I peacefully parted ways when I divorced him two years ago. This peace would have been impossible had I not been willing to see him as my savior, grateful and thankful for all he showed me, an abundance of my unconscious guilt and fear which remained to be healed. I had to see it so I could then give it all to Holy Spirit to look upon and judge for me, which then led to me being able to see Tom differently.

Once I became fully aware that I am the dream maker, I chose to let Holy Spirit begin leading me towards the happy dream Jesus teaches of in ACIM by seeing my perceived enemy with whom I was in a special relationship as my ticket HOME! Thus did I experience the miracle of learning to see Tom with love, gratitude and thanks; the Holy Spirit’s thoughts replacing the ego’s.

In time, my healing was reflected back to me by his being peaceful during the divorce process and decent in the settlement. Making all of our decisions with Spirit and without lawyers was immensely helpful as well! We continue to maintain a friendly and peaceful rapport. Though Tom does not feel it, I know that he’s being healed right along with me, for I cannot be healed alone.

In the next article, I share about my miraculous journey through my special relationship with Stephanie.

© 2014, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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