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October-December, 2014

Changing Teachers

by Rev. Larry Glenz, O.M.C.

Recently, my computer had a virus that was making my experience with it very aggravating. I took it to a store that boasted it would rid my computer of every virus, increase its speed, and guarantee to protect it from further attack for two full years. The cost was $300. My computer was less than two years old and I thought it would be worth the investment to have that professional assistance available.

For whatever reason, the technicians had difficulty cleaning up whatever had infected my computer and after I returned it to the store unsatisfied, the hard drive crashed and I lost all my documents/files. They apologized but said the files were irretrievable. Of course, they returned my $300 and said, “Look, Mr. Glenz, these hard drives crash all the time. We’re sorry.”

My immediate reaction was NOT to turn to Holy Spirit for His interpretation. Not even close.

After a minute of disbelief that all my files were lost, I became angry with the tech support people under whose care the computer was when it crashed. Again they apologized but they neither accepted responsibility nor offered a solution. “Sorry, there is nothing we can do.”

I was dumfounded. I didn’t like these people now. As I carried the computer tower out to my car, I felt like I wanted to throw it through their store window.

Driving home I was furious at the seeming incompetence that caused my personal loss of files I deemed significant. I had aggressive thoughts such as, “I can’t let them get away with this” and “ Somebody is going to pay for this injustice.” My mind was also racing while thinking of the files of greatest importance to me that I must find a way to retrieve.

It was more than a few hours before I even considered that this was exactly the type of event that should be given to Spirit for a different interpretation. Perhaps there was a wiser perception of this just for the asking. At least I recognized I did not like the way I felt about it now. Why not ask? What can I lose?

Getting quiet, however, was not coming easily for me. My mind kept going over the thoughts that supported my victimhood. I kept rehashing the “facts” that best supported my case as if I was preparing to present my argument in a court of law. I was right, damn it!

As I continued to stay with the meditation, however, the fierce chatter in my thoughts began to quiet. With a little more patience I was able to receive another thought – another Voice.

“Just stay with Me. Nothing can really go wrong. You’ll always have everything you’ll need. Just stay with Me.”

There was no doubt in my mind; that was the thought I had asked for! I was being reassured that I was safe. I can let go and let God. I was quickly reminded that I don’t know my own best interests. Holy Spirit does - and I need to trust in that.

Today I feel like the pressure is off me. If and when the need for a document or folder arises that I no longer have, I intend to remind myself that I don’t know my own best interests. If Spirit is in charge, I intend to trust He knows what is best for me right now.

I certainly forget to trust Spirit in all my decisions. But given time I will recognize I don’t like how I feel. I will drop the hand of the ego and pick up the hand of Holy Spirit. This is the process I have the intention of practicing.

There will be plenty more lessons for me to learn, I’m sure. For now, the feelings of irritation over losing my computer files provide me with forgiveness opportunities.

Now, the more I think about it, the less serious it seems. I can laugh at my ego-self getting all bent out of shape over my lost computer files.

Holy Spirit has certainly carried me over much more difficult circumstances than this. I am grateful that my trust continues to build in this all-important process of deciding to change teachers. I am also glad I can laugh at my reaction of outrage in the computer store.

It still takes me some time to remember to “Just stay with Him. Nothing can really go wrong. I’ll always have everything I need. Just stay with Him.” But with practice, the trust continues to build that I can always decide to change teachers. And I am grateful to feel stronger and more confident each time I make this decision.

© 2014, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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