Realizing God's Will Is Oneness

Accepting Holy Spirit’s Plan Brings Peace

I recognize today just how often I make plans in advance for myself and others.  I think of things I will say and do, and how others will say and do.  I make expectations in my mind by scripting in advance.  I plan how people will act at family events and parties, meetings, holidays, work schedules - really, almost every situation or event I can think of.  I script interactions and moods.  I plan it out to meet my needs or what I think would be best, not only for me but others, as well.  Sometimes these expectations get locked into my mind and if they don’t happen, I feel keenly disappointed

I remember receiving my high school graduation gift, a watch.  May parents, especially my mother, picked it with care - one she thought would last a lifetime. (Of course, that was in the days when wind-up watches still did!)  She saw elegance.  I looked at it and saw an old-fashioned, old ladies watch.  I wanted something bright, modern and quirky.  The level of disappointment I felt was so strong, I can feel it today as I write this.  Part of its strength was also the terror I felt about how I was going to hide my level of disappointment and thank them for the gift in front of all gathered.  I knew I wasn’t doing a good job of it.  My heart just sank as I opened the box, and I felt no joy.  I could not enthusiastically say thanks.  I am sure they knew, as did all present, that I didn’t like it as I issued my perfunctory thanks and said it was lovely.  I’ve never been very good at hiding my feelings, I’m told.  There they are for everyone to see clearly no matter how hard I try to disguise them.

This scenario has repeated itself many times over in my life.  I can think of many disappointing gifts on disappointing birthdays and holidays.  I can think of many disappointing conversations during meetings with friends and family, meetings long anticipated with excitement.  Yes, I plan details - how things will look, what people will say, even how the food will smell and taste at a holiday dinner.  I have been doing this since I was a child.  I can remember vividly the times in my life when my expectations were met or exceeded because the are so rare, and were so fleetingly temporary.

During my last few years as an ACIM students, I have practiced changing this old habit.  It is a tough one to break.  I thought I was making good progress, but all of a sudden I have come to realize how deeply embedded in my unconscious is this habit.  I am planning details before I even recognize I am do it.  Out of the unconscious comes thought of fear in a steady stream.  I underestimated what comes forth from this mysterious place or force at a never ending pace.  Today I sit in amazement at the vast undertow that is present there, like the force under the waves coming to shore that can, once caught, suck someone far out into the ocean.  Once caught in the undertow of the unconscious mind, I am sucked into a world of illusive expectations set up to keep me feeling dissatisfied and unfulfilled because they cannot be met.  They cannot be met because they are false - only a dream of something grand but not grand themselves.

What to do when recognizing one is caught, yet again, in the undertow of expectations, is to, yet again, ask to be released.  We have to be willing to let go of expectations and come back to the present now, listening to Holy Spirit now, and leaving all planning to His capable hands.  As I listen now, look now, think now with Holy Spirit, I can choose trust and find peace.  And, also, find forgiveness of myself that there are these thoughts streaming from the unconscious that invite separation.  I cannot change my unconscious - I don’t even know what is in it!  I must leave this all to Holy Spirit.  As in the conscious mind I choose to be joined with Him in truth, the stream of unconscious thought can come forth to be looked at in the light of truth without fear. 

As I consciously join with Holy Spirit, I forgive myself for the world I think I make with my mind.  Right now I choose to give plans and expectations to Him, for I no longer wish to make a future that is designed to bring me only pain.  As I open my mind to that which Holy Spirit will provide me, I open my mind to pleasant surprise.  As circumstrances and events unfold, there can only be delight for me if I give all my expectations to Him, and only expect to find Him everywhere in everything.  This is a conscious choice I make now and it brings me peace.  In this, there is complete forgiveness of all I think I project, and also forgiveness of what yet lurks in the unconscious, waiting to stream forth in my unmindful moments to sweep me out to the sea of fear, and the fear of being lost in the sea of fear.  Yes, this happens over and over again until my mind is completely healed. 

I am recognizing I need not have any fear of being lost in fear.  Holy Spirit is always there in His rescue boat, ready to lead me to the harbor of peace, safe and secure, as I always was in truth.  My expectations sink me.  Holy Spirit helps me walk on water to the safe shore of truth.  All I need do is take His hand and by so doing, let go of my thought, for I cannot hold both in my hands.  I can only hold one or the other.  Only Holy Spirit’s thought uplifts me.

So, for today, I let go of my expectations and plans.  I grab Holy Spirit’s hand, His thought, and His plan.  I can only know this by staying in the present moment with Him.  This is the only way I can remain untroubled about the future, expecting nothing but His love and His help, and trusting it will be there always.  This is a good day, a Godly day, when I let Holy Spirit look ahead for me and I follow Him to joy, knowing I can never get there on my own.

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