Realizing God's Will Is Oneness

Learning the Importance of Seeing Only Love

What can be said to those who grieve themselves and others without being aware of it?  Those who stumble forward without looking where they are going or why.  What can be said except, “I love you.”  Nothing.  But this is hard to say sometimes.  It is much easier to say “I don’t like or approve of what you are doing,” in some fashion.  At times it is much easier to say that you don’t like someone rather than that you love them.

Into every life comes people who seem more of a challenge to love.  Here the ego is in full voice saying this person is separate, distant in values, different in habits and thinking, doing hurtful things.  We listen and believe.  It is a habitual reaction to the projection of our own fear of rejection.  We reject first and blame the other person.

Some years back one of my sisters and her family were on an extended visit at my home.  I felt resentful and angry that they didn’t offer me as much help as I wanted in maintaining the house and yard while they were here.  On their last night I had a special dinner and invited other family to say good-bye.  Before dinner I had a prayer circle to say grace and offer thanksgiving.  My sister’s husband laughed during this and encouraged his daughters to do the same.  I felt rejected and offended.  It seemed like the last straw on the pile of inconsideration.  At that time, I didn’t see that I had been secretly rejecting them first with my inner anger.  This event was just a further extension of the game of separation.  At that time, I was not a Course student, and did not see how I made and contributed to the separation story.

I stewed for a few months after they left and then wrote them a letter saying how offended I was at their behavior.  I felt relieved at the time that I had spoken my mind in a very nice way I thought.  You see, this was one of my first ventures into speaking up about what I perceived as boorish behavior.  They sent a letter of apology, of course, but I know they said to other family members they would not feel comfortable staying at my home again.  Since then, some of them have, but some of them haven’t.

Now, with the help of Holy Spirit I see it all so differently.  I wrote the story of their visit with my perceptions.  If I needed some help, why didn’t I just politely ask for some.  I tried to do everything myself to feed my resentment so that I could secretly complain to my husband and another sister.  My first reaction was not to say that I loved them and needed a little help in a relaxed and peaceful manner.  I am sure they would have jumped right in.  No, my first reaction was to criticize and complain about their behavior.  I was listening to the ego voice.  Now, after being a Course student for some time, I look back and see the progress in my attitudes and beliefs.  How much happier and more peaceful I would have been during their visit if I had not been trying to be right, but was listening to the voice of Holy Spirit instead. 

Woring with ACIM, one can truly learn to say, “I love you,” as the first reaction.  Yes, it is possible, and so practical as well.  Everything goes better with a good helping of the recognition of love as the only reality present.  As I look back and see the love that was present then, instead of focusing on the upset of the last night, I see that there is no danger now in laying down any defenses to love.  I can extend love to them and do extend love to them, as I know they do to me.  I can reach out and say to them that I love them and am happy to see the love.  I can explain that I see differently now than I did then, and how much it means to me to see differently.  This is my reaction now, to see love, and I am grateful for it.

What do I say to myself for stumbling about then, grieving myself and others without knowing it because I wasn’t carefully looking where I was going or why?  Why, of course, I say “I love you.”  Criticizing or berating myself doesn’t help.  Lack of forgiveness doesn’t help.  Ruminating over past mistakes doesn’t help.  Sometimes it can be easier, but it doesn’t help.  Sometimes I seem the most difficult person in my life to love.  Seeing and acknowledging only the love present helps.  Love was present and is present.  I see now there is nothing to forgive my family and nothing to forgive myself.  I can be happy extending love to them and to myself, and extending it in all ways.  I hear Holy Spirit calling me to write another letter.  This one filled only with the recognition and acknowledgment of love always present.

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