Realizing God's Will Is Oneness

The Promise of Healing

I am in touch with this vast underlay of fear.  It seems to reside underneath my skin, my body shell, supporting it.  It is like an undercurrent - there just beneath the surface of my body/mind.  It is a feeling of despair, hopelessness, disappointment.  It can seem almost overwhelming at times.  This must be why many people take anti-depressants, to get rid of it, to hide it.

But I cannot hide from it.  It has been an awareness for some months now.  It is something I have tried to hide from because I do not like the feeling.  I am afraid of the feeling, but at the same time I know it isn’t real.  It is a barrier I have made to the experience of love.  I know I cannot get through it by myself.  I need the help of Holy Spirit.  It may not be real but it seems real.  One would think that going under the surface of the conscious mind, one would find only Spirit.  But there underneath the surface is the vast barrier of fear.

It is no doubt very good to have this feeling rise up to the level of conscious awareness.  I do work at present with the intent that I release all barriers to the presence of love.  I think about this as I go about my life’s duties.  I am willing to let go of this barrier, or to walk over it because the Course says on T.Pg. 340, the Holy Spirit is the bridge over the illusion of fear.  The sea of fear is a mirage like sun on the hot dry desert which makes the sand look like water.  The mirage isn’t real, its just a perception.  So is this fear just a perception, not real, not there.  It just looks like it is there.

But I want it to go.  I no longer want to see the mirage of fear.  I want to see only the presence of love.  I give it all to Holy Spirit, my Helper, my Teacher, my Trainer.  I no longer wish to try to hide the mirage or hide from the mirage of fear.  I want to walk through it, over it, to the presence of love, so that love is my only current.  I want to be in touch with my Source, my Reality, my Truth.  I want to walk courageously with Holy Spirit through all illusion of fear and love. 

I have lived in the illusion of love for so long that I fear I cannot recognize the real thing.  I have made special relationships in looking for love but I see that these were bargains I made to get by, to stave off despair, fear, guilt and anxiety.  It was not True Love present but a means to push fear away so I wouldn’t have to face it.  The fear was too frightening.  “What if I am utterly alone and adrift?” it said.  And I could not face that supposed reality, alone, adrift, without love.  And so I made up an illusion of love with my husband, children, certain friends and spiritual teachers to comfort me. 

These relationships were to be different somehow, “special.”  They would feed me, complete me, make me whole, but they did no such thing.  They only hid the fear awhile.  The fear poked through many times and I was afraid and angry, and disappointed.  Disappointed for so many reasons.  I feel disappointed that all I have made doesn’t work.  I feel disappointed that all I have tried spiritually has not yet taken me totally beyond the fear, that it is still there.  I made in my spiritual journey another special relationship, another deliverer, another savior, an illusion of love.  Think this, do this, do that, all will be well.  No need to look at the fear because it is not real.  Look only at love, but it was not real love.

Today, right now, I feel that in this I have perpetuated the illusion of love.  Perhaps I have made strides.  I am not sure.  I hope I have and that is why the fear can no longer be hidden or pushed away.  It is time to confront the illusion of fear.  It is time to look at it, acknowledge it, take responsibility for making it so that I can take responsibility for letting it go.  But first I must look at what I have made without shirking, without shrinking away.  I can no longer deny what I have made.

As I look at it, I think first of forgiveness.  I want to forgive myself for making it and making it seem so real, so vast, so impenetrable, so great a barrier.  It has done its job well for a long time.  In that respect I want to bless it before I let it go.  I thought it served me, protected me, saved me, but it didn’t.  I was mistaken.  It served me not at all.  It is fear and fear does not serve me.

Help me, Holy Spirit.  Help me, Teacher of God.  Help me walk over and past this illusion I have made real, a barrier, an obstacle laid between me and God, me and love.  I am willing to look at it with You.  I am willing to follow Your lead to love.  I think this is still part of the Course, to learn how to get beyond the illusions.  The Introduction says the Course aims at removing the blocks to the awareness of love’s presence which is my natural inheritance.  The Course does not aim at teaching the meaning of love for it says that is beyond what can be taught.  I am square at the block to the awareness of love’s presence.  I am squarely at what I am to learn. And so I turn to You, the Teacher, to help me learn.  Show me the way.  I follow You.

Holy Spirit:  Fear not, My child.  I will help you.  I am helping you, and that is why you have come to this point.  You are doing a fine job of learning.  The obstacles to the awareness of love’s presence will fall away.  Do not doubt this.  This is My promise to you and I always keep My promises.  You will feel whole and well again.  The last vestiges of fear will dissipate and you will again see only the shining light of love everywhere.  It is who you are and you will know yourself.  Stand with Me.  Know that I am by your side in every step you think you make alone.  You are not alone.  I am always with you.  Look at the barriers you think you made with Me and see that they are only wisps that can be gently blown away.  This is My promise.  Hold fast to the promise and healing is yours in each moment until the moments stretch into the One Moment.  There is no need to hide or push away what you feel.  Merely rest with it, confident that My Word is kept.  My bond with you cannot be broken.  Soon you will recognize this is so for nothing else can be.  Patience.  Practice fearlessness.  Stand tall with Me.  Do not shirk.  Together we go forward and all is well.  Step by step we will go.  Step in confidence that the end of the bridge is near.  You see clearly now the illusion.  The end is not far.  Walk on in joy that your delivery is at hand.  I guide you gently with a sure hand at your back leading you in the dance across the bridge with care and precision.  There are no mistakes. Everything is in perfect order and timing.  The music plays.  The dance continues.  Move to the rhythm of healing as I pace it.  This is best.  Trust Me in each step and we dance together the healing for you.

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