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January-March, 2011

The Story I Tell Myself

by Rev. Barbara Siegel

“The story I tell myself is…” This is a simple phrase that my friend Evonne, a psychologist, introduced me to. This little phrase will help you see what illusions you are trying to make real.

“OK, but what do I do with this phrase?” you may ask. Let me explain further.

Evonne introduced me to this phrase about four weeks ago. It was after my father had transitioned and I was talking to her about whether or not I would go to the funeral. Since I am in St. Louis and the funeral would be in Denver, this was not a simple decision. It would involve air travel and hotel for both myself and my husband. Evonne looked at me and said: “So, the story I tell myself is?” I looked back at her rather surprised. “What do you mean by that?” I asked. She explained to me that this was a term she had learned in a new type of therapy she was using. She went on to say how we all tell ourselves stories when we are facing decisions, the unknown, or something that we are trying to understand.

I realized Evonne was absolutely right. I had been telling myself a story, and the story I told myself was that my husband and I had driven to Denver a few months before my father’s passing, stayed several days and had a good visit, and I really said my goodbye to my father when I left. If you read my article in the last Miracles News, you will remember that leaving was very difficult for me and it took me several weeks to get back to “Normal.” I felt I didn’t want to go through that again. But, perhaps even more, the story I told myself was that the funeral was for the “current” family, the one he had married into 40 years ago. His new wife had two young adult daughters when they married and my father and the daughters became very close, so much so that when the daughters married and had children, those were the only grandchildren he was ever close to. He never bonded with either my children or my brother’s children. So the story I was telling myself was that this funeral would be for the current wife, the two daughters and the now adult grandchildren. Going to participate in this would be a very painful reminder that, to a great extent, he had turned away from his biological children and their families.

What a great tool this little phrase turned out to be! By verbalizing “The story I am telling myself,” I actually was able to clarify my feelings and concerns. I decide not to go to the funeral and observed the time I knew the funeral was being held in prayer and meditation. I was totally at peace with my decision.

Since that conversation with my friend, I have used “The story I am telling myself” countless times, but I added something new to it and that is, “What is the new story I am telling myself?“

Let me give you another example. Last week, my husband and I went over our new monthly costs. We just downsized into a lovely, but small condo, changed health insurance carriers, and cut out as many things as we could find to cut to bring our cost down. Unfortunately, at the same time, my husband’s work as an independent consultant went down about 75%. So, when we did our new monthly budget, our overall gain was zero. I went to bed that night feeling disillusioned and fearful. As I lay there, I thought: “What is the story I am telling myself?” and proceeded to say it to myself. “The story I tell myself is that we just can’t find anymore places to cut the budget, that we just can’t get anywhere, that I am not getting new counseling clients or new students, that the company he works for is in a real financial downturn, and that eventually, we will run out of the savings that we are now using to make up any shortfalls at the end of the month.”

“Yikes”, I thought! “So, your whole story is one of lack not only for you, but for your husband and the company he works for as well! Why don’t you tell your self a new story?” And so I did. I told myself a new story of abundance. A new story that my husband’s company is going to have a wonderful new year and he will have many new clients as will I. A story that our needs are met and exceeded and all is exactly as it should be. I repeat this story to myself whenever I feel my ego wanting to introduce the old story of lack and fear.

All this seems to fit in so perfectly with A Course in Miracles. We tell ourselves stories, illusions that we then believe and project out. Naming it a story helps to see that it is an illusion and changing the story to what we want to attract is so much more helpful. Yes, it may still be an illusion, but it becomes one of Love rather then fear.

So, what is the story that you tell yourself? What is the story you tell yourself about your abundance, your relationships, your job, your relationship with yourself and your Higher Power? What is the story you would like to tell yourself? What do you want to see in this new year? I encourage you to release yourself from your old stories and start anew. 

Love and Blessings for a wonderful year!

© 2011, Pathways of Light. http://pathwaysoflight.org
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