Realizing God's Will Is Oneness

Trusting Outcomes with Holy Spirit

This past Saturday was the third anniversary of September 11th.  I felt guided to hold a morning of peaceful reflection and sharing on the experience of God at a nearby church where I co-facilitate some groups.  The pastor, although not participating, was supportive.  I sent invitations to all the other churches in the city using this church’s stationary which the pastor supplied.  Everyone I talked to about this idea seemed to think it was good on this day to focus on peace instead of victims and violence.  As it turns out, only two people showed up, and these were my co-facilitator at a Wednesday morning meditation group and a member of the group. 

The three of us has a beautiful peaceful morning.  At the end I thanked the persons present for coming and told them that it would not have been so long ago that I would have considered the morning a complete failure because the church was empty of human bodies.  I told them that I did not consider the morning a failure at all.  I had done as I was asked.  I put the idea out there.  I had to let go of results as measured by the ego standards.  For the persons present that morning, it was a wonderful Heaven experience.  We all agreed on that. 

However as I was driving home and later that day, I was a little puzzled.  Why was I asked to do something that seemingly people were not interested in?  I simply had no answers.  The next day during my regular prayer time, I was reminded that during one of the ministry courses, I experienced a meditation in which I was given the opportunity to look through two windows into the universe.  One window looked into the past, and the other looked into the future.  There were bouquets of white roses of varying sizes beside each window so that I could tell one window from the other.  It was the Inner Teacher who offered me this opportunity if I wanted it.  I said no to both windows.  I told the Inner Teacher that I would trust Holy Spirit about the past and the future; I would stay in the present with Him.

As I am reminded of this again now, I see how often I want to re-do the past because I live in regret.  If I had known how a circumstance or event would turn out, I might have chosen differently.  That thought brings me to not knowing the future, not knowing in advance how things will turn out - giving up control - because, of course, if I knew I would plan differently.  Both past and future are different sides of one coin, the ego thought system.  They are intertwined.  One is not better than the other.  Knowing the future is not better than knowing the past.  Neither takes me out of the illusion of time.  Only the present can.

When I first experienced this meditation four years ago, I felt so happy and trustful of the Inner Teacher.  I declined the use of time to my advantage from the ego perspective, and gave the use of time to Holy Spirit.  And yet, as He uses it, I simply do not understand what He is doing at times.  As I look from the ego perspective, the split mind, I just can’t understand.  As I open to the healed perspective in the right mind, there seems to be something, some understanding just beyond my grasp.  No matter how I try to still my mind and listen, I just don’t seem to quite get it.

I guess that is where trust comes in.  There are so many circumstances and events lately in my life where I have practiced following the guidance I felt, but to what end?  Certainly not one the ego liked, I’ll say that.  I have trusted, but I have to practice even more trust in Holy Spirit’s use of time.  I said I would forgo focusing on the past and future, but my ego mind wants to grab them back.  The ego wants certain outcomes and control over them, and yet this brings fear as well as fear of the unknown.  Where is the answer?  I wish to hear it loud and clear, as they say.

All I hear is, “Let go!  Let go!”  If I let it all go, where am I?  So many opportunities come up that the ego part of my mind really doesn’t want to do, and yet I do want to do them if I know the outcome is happy - happy by ego standards.  Yet, the Course says the outcome is always happy by spiritual standards.  The outcome is always Atonement.  Each step of trust leads there.  Each time I let go of past and future outcomes and trust Holy Spirit in the now moment, I am stepping toward true happiness, true joy, true peace, not the false sense of satisfaction with the ego.  There is no outcome which pleases the ego mind for more than a minute.  Why should I bother to look at future events as if a guarantee of a certain result brought peace?  And could I know what that could be in the big picture, in the long run?  What I wanted as a result a few years ago would not be the result I would want today.  That brings me back to trusting Holy Spirit.

And so today, I look at the windows to the past and future and affirm again that I give them to Holy Spirit.  I will not try to review outcomes.  I will not be curious or think them important.  I give the use of time and space to Holy Spirit and trust that He uses them wisely for healing, mine and others, all in one plan of healing.  Everything interwoven into one plan in ways I could not possibly understand, no matter how hard I try.  Today I relieve myself of the burden of trying.  I cannot understand and I accept I cannot understand.  I don’t know the wisdom of past and future outcomes.  I give this all to Holy Spirit who does understand history and possibilities and weaves them into a web of His own design that captures me and brings me home to the experience of Heaven.

In this moment, I can trust my life and my journey to Him.  I walk past the windows and turn to Holy Spirit.  In return He gives me peace of mind.  He gives me His assurance that all is well.  He gives me assurance that He understands the Mind of God, even if I don’t, and that He acts for me for my best interest always.  If I leave all outcomes in His capable hands, He will not fail me and He will not fail the world.  There is a happy rainbow, a happy ending, and I can have it right now if I want, if I but trust Him in everything.  Today, I can recognize that I have no meaning for anything and I can happily accept that statement without judgment.  I don’t understand, and that’s OK, because I can trust.

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